Saturday, July 4, 2009

TEA Party 2

We're here! We hate queers! Get used to it! And by "we" I mean us true blue Super-Sized Patriots who are FOR America and AGAINST high taxes. It's July 4th and for you foreigners reading this (and you shouldn't be because it's only for God-fearing Americans) that means it's our Independence Day. Don't you wish you had one? We get to celebrate by partying and blowing off fireworks and such. Us Americans drink more beer on this day than any other to show how independent we are and even though the fireworks come from China we still blow em' off anyway to scare the bejeezus out of our enemies. That's what we do.
But today is also another TEA Party day like last April 15th when us folks in the anti-tax movement got together to tell our leaders that we don't want to pay any more. The TEA in TEA Party stands for True Eligible Americans who are Taxed Enough Already and Totally Exceptionally Angry about it. We're tired of having to spend all this money for things we don't need or want like libraries and public schools, which is just Socialism. I don't use the library so why should I pay for someone else to get smarter than me? And how come the Government always taxes us Real Americans for the things we use like cigs, liquor, and carbon dioxide and not the Lieberal's stuff like tofu and cherry-flavored condoms? Huh? So we got together on this great day to send them a message. Quit taking our money and spending it on stuff! Enough already. Well it was raining here in Elgin so we were kind of a soggy bunch of Teabaggers but we kept our spirits up by singing God Bless America and admiring each other's signs. We was hoping to have a big name celebrity like Micky Dolenz of the Monkees show up but turns out he was already taken for the Dallas TEA party. They also had my hero Joe the Plumber there. Joe Wurtzenheimelburger is a fine American what with him facing down the Pro-Tax Anti-Christ Barack HUSSEIN Obama who will surely be raising our taxes when he gets around to it after socializing everything. We need more leaders like Joe now that we lost our Sarah Palin. These are dark days. But at least we can still gather together and do some serious tax complaining and get on the News, even if it's only Fox News and not the Lieberal media which is run by you-know-who from you-know-where. And it's nice to know that there are people around just like me who aren't afraid to tell the Truth about the secret One World Government Conspiracy to take God out of everything and replace Him with God Knows What. Probably tofu and cherry-flavored condoms. Well we're mad as hell and we're not going to take it sitting down. So get off the couch, put down the Cheetos and head for your nearest TEA Party! You'll be glad you did.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Please don't leave us Sarah

This just can't be happening. Our beloved Sarah Palin is saying that she's stepping down as Governess of the Free State of Alaska and getting out of politics. It's another surefire proof that we're in the Endtimes. This is like Jesus getting down off the cross, hanging up His crown of thorns, and saying He's getting out of the savior business altogether. And just the other day she was saying she could open up a can of whoopass on Not-My-President Barack HUSSEIN Obama and send him back to the Fires of Hell from where he came. That or Kenya. Same dif. I was all fired up by that. So I'm not sure what happened but maybe one of those witches that her church in Waspvilla was praying against put a spell on her. They do that. You people up there need to get your witch problem under control. Now I don't know if we can pray her back in but us True Christians should at least give it a try by using our best Extra Strength Prayers (Catholics and Mormons back off. You folks just confuse the Lord with yours). I'm sure if we give it our best shot we can break the spell on Our Lady Sarah and fight back against the dark forces of Satan and his Demoncrats. LORD, WE WANT SARAH BACK NOW! BLESS HER AND HER KIDS TRAC, TRAC II , TRIP AND THE REST. AMERICA NEEDS HER. AMEN. PS YOU CAN ALSO SEND JESUS BACK TOO IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT. Hope He heard that.