Saturday, July 4, 2009

TEA Party 2

We're here! We hate queers! Get used to it! And by "we" I mean us true blue Super-Sized Patriots who are FOR America and AGAINST high taxes. It's July 4th and for you foreigners reading this (and you shouldn't be because it's only for God-fearing Americans) that means it's our Independence Day. Don't you wish you had one? We get to celebrate by partying and blowing off fireworks and such. Us Americans drink more beer on this day than any other to show how independent we are and even though the fireworks come from China we still blow em' off anyway to scare the bejeezus out of our enemies. That's what we do.
But today is also another TEA Party day like last April 15th when us folks in the anti-tax movement got together to tell our leaders that we don't want to pay any more. The TEA in TEA Party stands for True Eligible Americans who are Taxed Enough Already and Totally Exceptionally Angry about it. We're tired of having to spend all this money for things we don't need or want like libraries and public schools, which is just Socialism. I don't use the library so why should I pay for someone else to get smarter than me? And how come the Government always taxes us Real Americans for the things we use like cigs, liquor, and carbon dioxide and not the Lieberal's stuff like tofu and cherry-flavored condoms? Huh? So we got together on this great day to send them a message. Quit taking our money and spending it on stuff! Enough already. Well it was raining here in Elgin so we were kind of a soggy bunch of Teabaggers but we kept our spirits up by singing God Bless America and admiring each other's signs. We was hoping to have a big name celebrity like Micky Dolenz of the Monkees show up but turns out he was already taken for the Dallas TEA party. They also had my hero Joe the Plumber there. Joe Wurtzenheimelburger is a fine American what with him facing down the Pro-Tax Anti-Christ Barack HUSSEIN Obama who will surely be raising our taxes when he gets around to it after socializing everything. We need more leaders like Joe now that we lost our Sarah Palin. These are dark days. But at least we can still gather together and do some serious tax complaining and get on the News, even if it's only Fox News and not the Lieberal media which is run by you-know-who from you-know-where. And it's nice to know that there are people around just like me who aren't afraid to tell the Truth about the secret One World Government Conspiracy to take God out of everything and replace Him with God Knows What. Probably tofu and cherry-flavored condoms. Well we're mad as hell and we're not going to take it sitting down. So get off the couch, put down the Cheetos and head for your nearest TEA Party! You'll be glad you did.

24 comments:

Freedom Lover in Antioch said...

You tell 'em, Eustace. Lieberals are taxing us to death. Wake up, America!

whats cooking in my kitchen said...

Eustace youare a kick in the pants!

the undertalker said...

i hear rumors eustace kicked the bucket on the evening of 7/4/09......

ball-beat said...

Wow, this woman is so unhinged from reality that I actually feel bad for her delusions. Oh, and btw, do you know what "teabagging" means? Because if you did you would probably would rename this hilariously named blog.

Aowyn07 said...

Umm yeah.. I'm following this blog because I thought it was a joke...

www.urbandictionary.com

Look up teabagging, moron. Although I'm sure plenty of people teabagged Jesus back in the day, I don't think it means whatever you seem to think it means.

Anonymous said...

You are seriously racist and small minded. Just because you want low taxes doesn't give you a valid reason to be an intolerant asshole who's proud of it.

Anonymous said...

This is funny stuff! I think the best part is people are trying to figure out if it's serious or not. The absolute best jokes are those that no one else gets but damn near make you pee your own pants.

Anonymous said...

Why do I get the definite and distinct impression that the last person Eustace tea bagged was Dick Chaney?

Dick Shamey said...

This is HYSTERICAL. These comments made me laugh even harder. Oh Poor Misguided Souls (aka Idiots)... he is using a humor device called PARODY... he is MAKING FUN of people that rant & talk that way... gettit?

Brilliant! Please, more!

Anonymous said...

http://www.badkarmaproductions.com/jc/

Caspar said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Caspar said...

It's hilarious that some people are stupid enough to actually take this kind of thing seriously. I mean just how low does your IQ need to be?? IVA advice

J said...

I teabagged my girlfriend last night... and we're not even American!!!

OMG!!!

LOL!!!

Anonymous said...

Splendid!!! Excellent satire. If you could have withheld just a wee bit more it would have fooled a lot more people.

Wilkismooth said...

Just another leftist making fun of rightist. I just don't see the humor in any of this. The issues you've created your satire about are causing major strife in our country. While we sit and argue about the same shit over and over, the rest of the is looking at us like we're spoiled children arguing over a toy, refusing to compromise. Everyone thinks their side is so damn right but now one has any real answers.

Anonymous said...

Please more. This is SO funny.

Anonymous said...

As a patriotic American, I was deeply disappointed to see your use of capitalization in the name barak HUSSEIN obama. At a minimum, you should have capitalized, boldfaced, and italicized the ultra-secret clue to his Muslin identity. Decent, hardworking Americans did not pick up on this and accidentally elected him President of the United States. Help the Teabagging4Jesus effort nationwide by fixing these erorrs before the next election. (And it would not hurt to add a copy of his 100% Kenyan birth certificate!)

Marion Delgado said...

I was so happy to join this group i left my folk's basement for the first time this year. It was like Lazarus being led out of the tomb. I feel a strong prophecy that this is the first step in taking our country back and letting America's genius produce jobs again instead of taxes.

Anonymous said...

i am a happy pagan

Anonymous said...

1) Learn to spell, use proper grammar, and vary your diction and syntax (in simpler terms, word choice).
2) Do some research. If you want America to continue to exist and not end up a colony of China, Russia, Japan, South Korea, or any of the other current countries topping the charts in education, you really should want to have public schools -- as is, our school system (both public and private) is pathetic. Half of Americans don't even know the geography of their own country, much less those surrounding it, and god forbid the ones on other continents.
3) We do not launch fireworks to 'scare off our enemies'. Nor is drinking a lot of beer something to be proud of -- trust me, people in Europe could drink you and your friends under the table with no trouble at all.
4) Do you even know what Independence Day really commemorates? It doesn't have a lot to do with 'showing how independent we are'.
5) Nazism is very different from the other 'isms' you have on your pretty sign there -- it's actually more of a religion than a political spectrum.

If you need to share an opinion, it would do you (and your cause) more good if you were able to sound like you at least graduated high school... This is just sad.

Anonymous said...

I suppose it would be easier to appreciate the humour in this, were there not so many people in the world who genuinely have these views

Donnabroom said...

I love the comment from the guy trying to get you to use proper grammar etc. His comment was badly worded, horribly laid out and it seems he learned grammar from road-kill.

rottenqueerchristian said...

I blame all the homos my brother. They with their perversetitities doing what nature didn't intent with thier organs. I live next door to a homo and when he's out watering his lawn, I swear It's like watching perverteted water sports with Beelzebub.

Anonymous said...

If you "hate queers" then why did you name your pathetic little party "The Teabaggers"? Why not name yourselves "The Santorums?"

Freaking idiots.