Saturday, June 6, 2009

Live blogging of EMCRAM meeting 4
















2:00PM Meeting of the Elgin Men's Christian Revivalist American Militia is called to order. Present: Me, Elrod Klempschmidt and Fremont along with the EMCRAM Ladies' Auxiliary which is my daughter Eustacia, her friend Tonowanda, Elvira Klempschmidt and Fremont's girlfriend FloraJoJean.
2:01PM Reading of the minutes: there aren't any because nobody kept them. Probably not a big loss. Best not to leave a paper trail for the enemy anyway.
2:10PM Agenda: Us men are going to continue our militia training and have a few beers and the womenfolk are going to see about designing us some uniforms since we don't have any. FloraJoJean suggests berets. Discussion: too French. Elrod insists everything should be cotton (American) because anything else makes him sweat like a pig. We decide on camouflage since we'll need that for when the UN troops arrive. We also want lots of pockets and a utility belt like Batman has.
3:00PM Lunch: Elvira brought her goddamn egg salad again but it looks a little green and brown so thank God we're not having it and ordering a pizza instead. The girls decide the egg salad does have the right color scheme for the uniforms so some good comes out of it.
3:30PM Pizza arrives. Maybe I should of ordered a bigger one as Eustacia and Tonowanda have eaten most of it before it gets to the table.
4:00PM The gals go outside for a break. They get to talking to our neighbor Mrs. Ochomadre over the fence. I think that's her name. I don't speak Mexican. We're staying inside to plot more strategy. We send Fremont to get another 12 pack. You have to watch your weight when you're militia training so we get Coors Light.
4:15PM Elvira and Mrs. Ochomadre are at it. Mrs. Ochomadre said Elvira's pink spandex makes her butt look like a giant wad of bubblegum someone spit out and Elvira told her she looks like a corndog dipped in bleach and she should get back to her brown roots and stop trying to look Aryan. I tell them they're both pretty but they tell me to shut up. I'm getting the hose out. Thank God for our border fence.
4:30PM Military Strategy Preparedness Film: Ice Station Zebra.
5:30PM Elvira says she's bored and is pouring Elrod into the car and taking him home. She says if I don't like it she'll beat me to death with the egg salad bowl. God does not like a mouthy woman and I sure don't either.
6:00PM There being no further business and we being out of both beer and pizza, meeting is adjourned. God Save the Republic.

2 comments:

Save the Whales said...

Mr. Winbagg (or should I say "Win-gag"?), I find your comments to be insulting and highly offensive to women. Don't you even know the meaning of the word "sexist"? You are a pig. That's P-I-G, PIG!

Eustace P.Winbagg III said...

Sister Whale, women have been jabbering and yelling at me all damn day. I don't need you putting in your two cents worth. You sound like my ex who run off with the Baptist preacher. You need to read your Bible about a womans place. And no I'm no sexist. I'm against sex unless it's between a married man and a married woman. I mean married to each other that is and not to some other.