Some Mormon Boys Come In My House

Today two Mormon boys rung my bell. They was well dressed and very polite so it's just too bad they are going to Hell. At least that's what Pastor Coot says about them since they don't believe in the same Jesus us Real Christians believe in. There's isn't anywhere near as good. Well I offered them a beer and they said that Mormons weren't allowed to drink beer which is a deal breaker for any religion in my book. Anyways they start telling me about the Book of Mormon which says Jesus came to the Indians (the "me like firewater" kind not the "would you like some curry" kind) after he got done with the Jews and in fact the Indians are actually Jews that got really really lost somehow. Well that don't make much sense to me since they don't look anything alike and a warbonnet don't look anything like them Jew hats although it's true neither of them can hold their liquor. So that didn't go over too well. I asked them how many wives they were going to get to which they looked a little hurt and they said God changed His mind about that and they don't get more than one any more (which seems plenty me) . They said it was all in another book they have called the "D and C" which I think stood for "Doctorings and Coverups" or somesuch, (at this point they was getting kind of red faced and talking pretty fast so I'm not exactly sure) and even though their leader Mr. Smith said God said they should have more than one wife He told a later guy not to in the "Democrats and Cuticles" or whatever. That seems strange to me. God don't usually change His mind, although He did about the pork thing so we could have ham on Easter but not about the big stuff. But anyway I asked them in on the pretext of ministering to my daughter Eustacia hoping maybe one of them would take a fancy to her. I kind of lied and said she was couch-ridden which isn't really true as she does get up during commercials. At this point I'd take a Mormon or even a Muslin as a son-in-law as long as they got her off that damn couch and out of my house. I'm a bit desperate on that. The floorboards are starting to sag there. Well they took one look at her and were headed back for the door so I started to pray and speak in tongues and lay hands on them hoping to move the demon Mormon spirit out of them but that just got them even more riled and out the window they went. I'm going to have to mend the screen now. As they was running away they was crossing something out in a book and I guess they won't be back. I'll just leave it in the Lord's hands I figure but maybe I should of done better at ministering unto them and maybe I shouldn't of answered the door in my underwear.