Thursday, June 4, 2009

Bring Your Gun to Church Day


A God Fearing and Gun Toting Church in the proud red state of Kentucky is having an "Open Carry Church Service" where you bring your guns to church and I'll bet Jesus couldn't be more pleased. I know I am and when I'm pleased I'm pretty sure Jesus is too. Pastor Pagano of the Spirit-filled Assemblies of God New Bethel Church decided to have this Patriotic event. Like he says, "Not every branch of Christianity is pacifistic". And thank God for that. Lots of churches think Jesus was some kind of long haired hippie who was for peace and that's not true. Now the truth is they hadn't invented scissors or guns yet so He might have been a bit long haired and didn't own a gun but when He comes back I'm sure He'll get His hair cut and will be Pro-Gun. Although maybe He can't get His hair cut by regular folk like Superman couldn't because the scissors would break. Not sure how he did that. Anyway, I hope Pastor Pagano gets a big crowd. The only thing I disagree with him about is he wants people to bring their guns unloaded. What's the point of that? Be Prepared I always say. He also says to bring a canned good but I'm saving mine for the Tribulation which will be pre or post Millennial depending on who you ask. Either way I've got enough baked beans and pickled beets to last the whole 7 years, at least I hope so. The way my daughter Eustacia goes through food I just don't know. So I'm all for this idea and I'm going to pass it on to Pastor Coot at the Second Elgin Church of Jesus Christ Our Lord and Savior. Here in Illinois we might have some problems with it since we're not as forward thinking as Kentucky and don't have Concealed Carry laws and such but maybe that will change soon. I'm praying on it. And you should too.

10 comments:

Save the Whales said...

Instead of saying "Bring a canned good for a local food closet" it should say "Bring a handgun for a local wingnut."

Anonymous said...

Eustace you're an idiot. Superman's hair didn't grow unless he was on a planet with a red sun. But he could still cut it anyway using his heat vision in a mirror.

Eustace P.Winbagg III said...

Anonymous, I guess that would work for Jesus too.

Save the Whales, I suspect all the locals in Kentucky already have their guns, they being a God fearin' people. I'm sure they could use a few extra though. Who doesn't? Everyone should have a home gun, a shopping gun, a work gun and a church gun. The right tool for the right job I always say.

Save the Whales said...

And don't forget a suicide gun for shooting yourself in the head after you realize what a jerk you are.

Eustace P.Winbagg III said...

I think I'm going whale hunting this weekend.

BUZZ CUTT said...

WINBAGG!

BACK WHEN I WAS IN THE MARINES AT CAMP LEJUNE, I ATTENDED A CHURCH IN TOWN THAT CONCLUDED SERVICES WITH A FIREARMS SALUTE!! IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL THING!! SEEING AND HEARING ALL THE HANDGUNS, ASSUALT RIFLES AND OCCASIONAL HOWITZERS FIRING THRU THE HOLE IN THE CHURCH ROOF WAS HIGHLY SPIRITUAL!!! AND IT SMELLED LIKE VICTORY OVER SATAN!!!!!

GOOD JOB ON THE BLOG, KEEP IT UP!!!!!!!!!

Eustace P.Winbagg III said...

BUZZ, nothing must please Jesus more than a good old firearms salute. Shooting straight up towards Heaven lets Him know we are down here. That's why we make our churches with steeples. They are missiles for God.

Good to know righteous Godly men like you are reading this blog. Some of the people commenting here seem a might peculiar if you ask me. Specially this "anonymous" guy.

CJ said...

The New Apostolic Reformation branch of the Assemblies of God has been preaching “another Jesus” for quite some time now — their teachings bear very little resemblance to anything found in the Bible. There’s a ditch on both sides of the road — in their way these guys are every bit as heretical as churches who ordain practicing homosexuals into the mininstry or welcome abortionists as members of their congregation.

Just google “New Apostolic Reformation”, “transformations”, or “joel’s army” and see for yourself.

Here’s what St. Paul said about people who preach another gospel:
“But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed. As we said before, so say I now again, If any man preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be accursed.” Galatians 1:8, 9

Eustace P.Winbagg III said...

You're right CJ we sure as heck don't need another Jesus. One is plenty.

Dustin said...

They've got the right idea, but maybe we need to go bigger. I mean, lets show all of those Muslim terrorists who's boss. We should have a bring your nuke to school day. We aren't scared of any weak chemical or biological warfare, when we can just nuke them all to death. In the name of Jesus, Satan will be destroyed with fire and brimstone.