Saturday, May 16, 2009

Live blogging of EMCRAM meeting 2
















2:00 PM Meeting of the Elgin Men's Christian Revivalist American Militia called to order. Present: Me, Elrod Klempschmidt, his 2 boys Elwin and Elmore, and Fremont, who still refuses to give us his last name. Says it's on a need to know basis. I can respect that.
2:01 PM Minutes of last meeting read, which brings back bad memories.
2:10 PM After we look up the words on the internet my daughter Eustacia sings "God Bless America". It makes me cry. It makes all the dogs and cats in the neighborhood cry too.
2:20 PM Agenda: Today we will be discussing what we can do to prepare for the General Conflagration that we can expect once the Obama Nightmare causes society to collapse and the UN Troops to land.
2:25 PM Elrod suggests that we need to have a bunker so that we can be prepared to ride out the storm. Fremont offers to donate his RV which was damaged in the DUI accident last year. We can dig a hole in my back yard, bury it, and then cut a hole in the top. We'll put the bird bath over it as camouflage. Discussion about what we'll stock it with. Suggestions: canned baked beans, TP, Jack Daniels, and other survival needs. Elrod appointed to requisition supplies. Says he can get some of the stuff from home as long as his wife don't notice it's missing. $12.37 collected.
3:00 PM Extreme Calisthenics for Military Preparedness.
3:01 PM Done.
3:05 PM Military Strategy Preparedness Film: Battlefield Earth
3:35 PM Lunch: Mrs. Klempschmidt's goddamn egg salad sandwiches again. Good Lord, I hate that woman.
4:10 PM Kids are getting antsy so we send them out to play ball.
4:35 PM Hispanic neighbor is at my door yelling at me about "el neenyo" again. Sure, blame the White Man for "global warming". I try to tell him it's all a lie but he just keeps getting madder. Looks like he's going to keep the ball along with the Lawn Dart from last week. These Hispanics sure are hot blooded. Elrod demands to see his green card.
4:36 PM Eustacia preparing ice pack for Elrod's eye.
4:52 PM We go outside to start digging up the back yard for the bunker.
5:20 PM We get about a foot down and hit the septic tank, which is strange because I didn't think I had a septic tank.
5:35 PM Turns out it's not a septic tank. It's a 68 Chevy Malibu. Maybe we can use it as an extra bedroom when we get the RV down there. We go inside for some liquid refreshments.
6:00 PM On account of there being no further business and we're tired out, meeting is adjourned. God Bless the Republic. I don't feel so good again. I think Mrs. Klempschmidt might be putting something in my egg salad.

4 comments:

Elvira Klempschmidt said...

Where the HELL do you get off bad mouthing my egg salad you lazy worthless cross eyed piece of trash. That was my grandmother's recipe. If Elrod comes home drunk from one of your stupid meetings again I'm going to come over there and beat you to death with a tire iron. You got the kids so worked up I had to give them an extra dose of their Ritalin.

Eustacia Winbagg said...

Elvira, Get off your high horse and stop talking trash to my daddy. Nobody likes your egg salad. I've told you a hundred times. It's got too much mayonnaise and paprika and not enough celery. And when are you going to return my electric curling iron? You've had it for over a month now.

pixnlil said...

Eustace, you need to blog about how Obama is corrupting our brightest children at Notre Dame University today. I mean, he's an ABORTIONIST and he's speaking to our kids!!! I'll bet he's had at least half a dozen abortions himself. The swine. It's a good thing Alan Keyes is up there fighting for all good Christians and all of the unconceived children out there.

Elvira Klempschmidt said...

Well the nut don't fall far from the tree in the Winbagg family.