Saturday, May 9, 2009

Live blogging of EMCRAM meeting
















2:00 PM Meeting of the Elgin Men's Christian Revivalist American Militia called to order. Present: me, Elrod Klempschmidt, Fremont.
2:05 PM Minutes of last meeting read.
2:06 PM Agenda: Today we will be stuffing envelopes with teabags to send to Washington.Supplies: One box of Lipton Tea bags, one box of envelopes (legal size), one roll of stamps. Member Elrod Klempschmidt makes motion that we should use the teabags first so as to send message to Washington that we are against wasteful spending. Motion passed 2-1. I don't like tea. Eustacia boiling water.
2:48 PM 15 cups of Lipton Tea consumed. Combination of beer, tea and patriotism is exhilarating.
3:00 PM Outdoor military training and exercise: Lawn Darts.
3:20 PM Due to bad throw by Elrod over fence neighbor is now yelling at us in Spanish. We are unable to make out what he is saying but the words "el neenyo" are repeated. We are not sure what weather has to do with situation. Perhaps he is a Lieberal Warmist. Neighbor refuses to give back Lawn Dart. This is why we MUST secure our borders.
3:40 PM 27 cups of Lipton Tea consumed. I am seeing stars and occasionally stripes. Elrod is panting. Upping beer intake to counteract effects. We are heading inside for sandwiches made by Mrs. Klempschmidt. Egg salad. I make a motion to ban egg salad sandwiches at future meetings as I don't like egg salad. Motion fails 2-1. I am considering changing EMCRAM from democratic militia to republican.
3:50 PM Military strategy preparedness film: Red Dawn.
5:00 PM 45 Cups of Lipton tea consumed. It does not appear that we will have enough bags to send for all the Tax and Spend Lieberals in Congress. We'll just have to pick the worst ones. My bladder feels like the Hoover Dam.
5:10 PM We have just now realized we can not mail the teabags as is because they are soggy and stain the envelopes. We are putting them in the microwave to dry them out. Envelope writing is proceeding slower than expected as none of us can focus our eyes.
5:35 PM We forgot about the teabags and as a result they are somewhat overdone. We are putting the ashes in the envelopes anyway.
5:45 PM Motion was made by Elrod to put flag stamps on envelopes upside down to signal our distress at High Taxes and the nation being threatened by Socialism. Motion carried unanimously thank God.
5:47 PM We just realized that they are not flag stamps. They have a picture of some guy on them who we aren't sure who he is. We are putting them on upside down anyway in case he is a Tax and Spend Lieberal. Fremont thinks the guy might be a jazz musician which is almost as bad.
6:00 PM After final prayer Meeting adjourned. God Bless the Republic. I don't feel so good.

3 comments:

Elrod Klempschmidt said...

Eustace, my wife is pretty pissed off so maybe you shouldn't come around for a while until she cools off. She can't get the tea stains out of my pants and she says if you don't like her egg salad you can go to hell.

Eustace P.Winbagg III said...

That woman has NEVER liked me Elrod. You know the Bible says a woman is supposed to cleave unto her husband and if you ask me she don't do much cleaving. Lots of complaining. Not much cleaving. You better decide who wears the pants in your family Elrod, tea stains or no.

Anonymous said...

good writing!